2007

Saturday, May 26th; Waggon Wheels 60th
Inclement weather put a slight dampener on the Wagon Wheels Championships - but our turbocharged host, Keith Chegwin, was unbowed. He bounced around from 10:00 a.m., joking his way through 5 hours to make a decent family turnout enjoy the first ever WWRC. I'm sure he also brightened up the day for a lot of Heart FM listeners, who were treated to lots of coverage.

There were lots of strange contraptions on view in the early competition, with the over-60s section bringing in contestants from as far away as Wales! The main competition saw early favourite Ronnie Pike pipped at the post by "Anonymous" (who is off work with damaged hand tendons and shouldn't have been competing!).

Trevor Kent, auctioneer extraordinaire and sometime estate agent, achieved a world record £500 in the auction of the biggest Waggon Wheel in the World. Other organisations to benefit from the fundraising were:

- John Radcliffe Hospital, £1,000 via Williams' Fund
- £500 shared between the Pace Centre in Aylesbury and the Clueless Trust (can anybody read Brendan's handwriting?)
- the £230 raised in buckets goes to Fulmer Village Hall disabled facilities
- £500 to Fulmer Infant School

A very successful day, which we hope to repeat next year. And Cheggers - you can take me walkies any day!

2006
Not much happened between July '06 and May '07, evidently...

July 17th; Breaking News!!!
We've just had advanced warning that the big effort from everybody through June has paid off - Fulmer has won Best Kept Village in Bucks yet again!!!

A massive "Well done" to the volunteer army of sweepers and tidiers - and to me for making sure that stray cats stay don't stroll about dropping litter all over the place.

June 25th, Sunday; Charity Bike Ride
40-odd intrepids turned out for the 30-mile bike ride in aid of Thames Hospicecare.

Starting from our car park, the route took in the sights of Fulmer, Hedgerley and - erm - Slough, before breaking for a spot of lunch at The Waterman's Arms in Eton. Then it was on to stretches of the Thames towpath, through Taplow, past Dorney Wood (lots of deep footprints in the lawn, apparently) and threading through Burnham Beeches, by which time I imagine everyone was seeing the same mirage - a pint of ice-cold something-or-other on The 'Orse's bar.

Even better, we laid a barbecue on for these finely-honed athletes - but why did most peeps eat and drink standing up?

More news on the bike ride and Fulmer Day (see below) on pages 8 and 9 of last week's edition of that most splendid publication The Bucks Advertiser.

June 24th, Saturday; Fulmer Day
The best-ever turnout for the village's Big Day was bathed in Mediterranean sunshine throughout - which has been the norm for the last few years.

Opened in fine style byEastender's Nasty Nick (looking pale from his recent stay in prison), who was ably assisted by CBBC's Tracey Beaker.

From candy floss and hot dogs to chocolate fountains and a champagne tent, there were refreshments to suit all - with plenty of interesting stalls to browse in between. Where else could you watch a fashion show, then walk ten yards to have a go at ringing church bells? Very few places, thankfully. You could also cadge a tuk-tuk taxi ride through the village, courtesy of Wheels VT, the Mercedes service and repair specialist based in Loudwater.

A massive well done to everybody running the stalls and to the hundreds - and it might well have been thousands - that came and enjoyed the day. The final reckoning has yet to be done, but Alderbourne School will be able to afford to tick off lots of much-needed things from their shopping list.

And of course, celebrations continued in The 'Orse till much later; the garden was still packed when the excellent live group finished at midnight.

June 18th, Sunday; Father's Day
The Good News - no fond sons called in a translation of our obscure bit of Latin in order to win their father a FREE bottle of Laurent Perrier poo. Now that leads me inescapably to one of two conclusions:

1) Our education system has failed miserably.

2) Nobody wants France to win the World Cup. Maybe they should have called it Laurent Perro to increase its appeal (consult a Spanish speaker if necessary). Or maybe even Dog Perignon...

But the Even Better News is - who wants a shedload of cheap Laurent Perrier? Ice cold. Delicious. Try a bottle in our garden this week-end.

May 16th, Tuesday evening
Lot of harrumphing in the village tonight - a performance by female Morris Men, would you believe??? They called themselves Taessa's Tump for some reason. All leaping about and yelling like a pack of eedjits - teasing me by banging sticks together but not throwing them for me to fetch. Naturally Kay had to join in and lead from the front.

What is Fulmer and the world coming to? Is it even legal? I am not having a good week here - I may have to think about introducing Draconian new entertainment guidelines for my humans. What's wrong with good old-fashioned wholesome entertainment - fun contests like Most Expressive Whining at the Back Door, or Speed-Dragging Your Bum Across the Carpet?

May 14th, Sunday evening
17 teams - that's just about a pubfull - turned out for a night of quiz and frivolity. There was hardly room for me to mooch around my kingdom and accept my due homages. In knew all the answers, but when Kay's Klueless Klan overruled me in favour of their own rubbish effort, I'm afraid I took to my bed in a huff, even missing out on the half-time nibbles.

I heard next day that I'd raised more than £1,000 for the local recreation ground (King George's Field; not a bad stroll around - and I once caught a glimpse of Angelina and Brad when I had a Jimmy in the bushes...). My humans were so pleased with themselves that they are threatening to run another one soon - I know they raise lots of money, but what with the Scouts, the school, the tsunami victims and the rest, we're in danger of becoming the the local quiz capital. "Ooh - you broke your fingernail - we'll have a quiz night!".

Don't get me wrong; I'm very charitably-minded (particularly for a Mastiff) - but come Sunday evening, I'm that cream-crackered that all I want to do is stretch out in the Bottom Bar for some serious kip, interrupted occasionally for the odd biscuit and a tummy rub.

May 1st, Bank Holiday Monday
Fulmer Family Fun Day; thank Dog it was threatening to rain - if it hadn't been, the crowds would have blocked off all the access motorways! As it was, hundreds turned up, probably all hoping to catch a glimpse of me...

The donkeys, lambs, piglets, anacondas and monitor lizards were all petted till they were bald. And expect Our Olympics to be populated with star tennis, basketball and football players, plus archers and treasuer-hunters that started their career at The Rec - unless they spent too much time at the burger, cake, hat and sweets stands, or the bar.

Did I miss anybody? I hope not - but a serious "Thank you" to the armies of people that gave up lots of time to make it all happen.

My lasting memory of the footie was TonyT slotting a perfectly-weighted through ball to his right winger - come on Sven - your left-sided problem is solved!

April 23rd, Sunday; St George's Day
A fine injection of national pride to counteract the gloom and graft spread by our revered (HA!) politicians - maybe we'll ask them to guest at next year's do. If they accept, I'll be sure to post a "Lock Up Your Daughters, Fatty's About" warning on these pages.

A rousing sing-song of all the old favourites, accompanied by the ivory-tinkling of Victor Goode, with a notable performance from our most senior - and most elegant - regular, his mother. You'd never believe that this lovely lady was born around the time of the First World War.

Also, after 37 exhortations, Reg "reluctantly" took to the mike. It was about then that I, human-tired from a tough week, sloped off to my bed, from where I listened to a good hour of exhortations for Reg to sit down again.

April 17th, Easter Bank Holiday Monday
A good crowd turned out for the 11:30 start by the City of London Morris Dancers, who performed so well that they are in danger of being bought out by BMW. The picture right is from a few years ago - let me know (via the Contact page) if you recognise any of the faces.

Afterwards, it was great to see the excited faces of The Kidz as they found most of the 17,00 eggs that I'd painted by paw before hiding them round the garden.

The bright sunshine encouraged lots of beer-worshippers to get a head's start with this year's tan - but judging by the number of peeps sporting that freshly-grated tomato look over the next few days, we'll have to think about putting a bottle of Factor 50 on every bench next year.

March 30th; national award for local efforts
I'm so proud of my humans!

Kay and Brendan's efforts earned them 2 entries - one of them a whole page - in the Morning Advertiser, the leading licensee's national paper that's been going since 1794.

The Black Horse was March's winner of the MA's Heart of the Community award scheme, given in recognition of the £27,000 raised for our 3 charities last year (William's Fund, the Royal National Lifeboat Institute and Breakthrough Breast Cancer) through local events. Massive efforts went into events like the village fête, the end of summer ball and a charity show - and yes, under pressure, I confess I made sacrifices, too; call me barking, but one doesn't mind missing out on the odd walkies when it's in a good cause...

The award included a cheque for £1,000, which also went to William's Fund - plus there's the possibility that we might win the Grand Final, which would mean another £15,000 donation!

So please, next time you see Brendan or Kay, give them a paw and a £1 coin to help swell our efforts. And a huge "Well done, you" to all the people that helped and gave to make the events a big success; Big Licks next time I see you.